I have moved into the next phase of recovery. About 2 weeks ago, I was finally released to begin minimum weight bearing. I am now in an e-boot, still on crutches. I continue to learn more about me, more about how I want to approach my life, more about where I choose to expend energy.
These past 2 months I have experienced some significant challenges in finding ways to keep my spirit up. 2 years ago, I thought the most difficult issue I would face was in figuring out how to take a short break from playing soccer to allow an ankle sprain to heal.
A year after that, we began to question if I would ever play soccer again. I had to face the option of this surgery. Of course, in May, the decision made, I thought my greatest challenge would be in the 3-6 weeks immediately following the surgery.
Here it is, over 4 months later, and I am still not walking unassisted. The latest x-ray revealed excellent healing of the bone. But now, my energy is focused on chronic nerve pain in my foot. I had no idea this side effect was even an option.
I had read and studied. I am incredibly well versed in the anatomy of the ankle, issues with tendons, the possible negative outcomes of a talonavicular fusion. No where I had read about nerve damage.
And so it goes. I spend about an hour a day inflicting incredibly painful therapy on myself as we attempt to retrain my nerve. It looks like I really will never play soccer again. My goal really has become to walk without an aid - maybe even wear a shoe.
I was asked yesterday how I am dealing with the emotions. It was in answering her that I heard my own answer -
I remind myself every day that I am blessed. I have an amazing life, I have my health, love, a partner who loves me, family who stands by me, a home, a job I love, and I laugh, every single day.
I remind myself that there are always people on this planet who have it much worse than I do.
I say please - to the Power I believe in - every morning.
I say thank you, every night (ok, I am not as consistent on those last two as I would like, but I give it a shot).
And, I keep taking 1 more step.
